The Big Meat Lovers Non-Denominational Picnic

Well it’s time for the biggest outdoor meal in the entire country and every religious group and denomination was represented. The pigs were represented by the hogs head of their order, “Hampiguos” (Ham-pig-u-us), a wise pig philosopher, who talked and talked about every religious intellectual thing he could think of to show what a bright pig he was, but in the end, people just saw him as a pig.

The crows had their own intellectual head, a crow psychiatrist, who was known the sky over as “Socrowteese” (Sock-crow-teeze), the smartest crow, who ever had his head up … in the clouds. Crows would flock to hear him, crow about how much he knew about God and how much God admired him.

The oxen were represented by only two of their religious sect. One oxen was named Jethro Bovine and the other was named Oxy Moron, who was always making contradictory statements, which is what religious folks do.

The ladies good works committee was headed up by Mary Tyler Moo, who organize the cows to bring side dishes.

Yes, all the animal religions were there and they were hungry, waiting for the main entrée … roasted humans. There was something for everybody. Caucasian chops with plenty of white meat and apple sauce. Mouth watering, barbequed negros with greens. Spaghetti and meat balls made from real Italians. Chinese take out made from chopped up asian folks with a special sauce that is considered an ancient chinese secret.

You should have been there an hour ago. The animals were ripping the humans to shreds, so their meat would be fresh for the picnic. You could hear their screams throughout the county.

The sheep were the only ones of the animal kingdom abstaining from eating the human meat. Their representative was an advocate for not eating humans, an ewe, who was soft spoken, but full of passion, named Meryl Sheep. She said, I know that humans look stupid, but I believe they have at least some intelligence. You can’t tell it from their behaviour, but God must have seen something in them, or He would not have made them. “Don’t let the human meat industry pull the wool over your eyes”, she cried.

But the rest of the animals just made animal noises and didn’t pay her any attention.

As she watched humans of every race being slaughtered before her very eyes, she pondered this thought, “I wonder who the animals really are.”

These spiritual stories were written by Mark Edgemon who has been writing for 30 years. He writes and publishes short stories, articles, poetry and scripts as well as, produces audio comedy productions for over 700 radio stations nationwide.

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