The incessant wails of the newborn filled the air in the cramped condo as Lisa begrudgingly awoke from her restless sleep. Stumbling out of bed, she tried not to think about what time it was. Holding the baby in her arms as she took her breastfeeding throne, she couldn't help but wonder what she was doing all this for. Day in and day out of diaper changes, feedings and rockings coupled with broken sleep would drive any sane person crazy.
"People have children all the time and most of them don't stop at just one. There must be some point to all this work," she mused, her mood plummeting as the weight of it all pressed against her.
Every day, every night was the same. Her husband helped as best he could, but she was the primary caregiver for she brought her baby life with her milk.
"Shouldn't I be happy about this?? I'm a mom, damnit, I should be overjoyed!" As the depression consumed her soul, the only thing she could hold onto was the hope that she would start feeling better soon. Humans in this day and age have a tendency to be blind; to overlook what's important in life. They always want something more, something different, something that will infuse them with passion and life. Lisa was no exception.
She searched long and hard for what would make her happy in her new life, but she repeatedly came up short. It's obviously not because she didn't try. On the contrary, it was because she tried too hard. The endless mundane tasks, if looked at only on the surface, were tolerable, at best.
A few weeks went by and she still didn't know what she was doing it all for. Late one night as she was just about to throw in the towel, she finally saw the gold at the end of the rainbow. Looking in her baby's eyes, she felt no separation between the two of them. Her and her little miracle were one. Holding his soft little body against her's, it was impossible for her to determine where she ended and where he began.
This reminded her of holding her husband's hand in hers, of holding her son inside of her, of giving birth. These moments of exaltation, of ecstasy, was what it was all for. Lisa went on to embrace her new role as a mother, her new "occupation" as the oneness that she was, that everyone was.
This is not to say that she loved every diaper change or every 2 AM breastfeeding session. No, that would be insane. She did, however, love the process, the life that she was unfolding in her hands. Within that life lived the spirits of three "individuals", with the fourth unhurriedly on his way...
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