Yesterday, I realized I have accustomed myself to living a life of austerity. I noticed this as I found a gorgeous steel-string guitar at a local thrift shop for only $35 that I almost walked away from, thinking surely someone else needed it more than I did. I nearly walked away in spite of the fact that I'd been wishing for a steel-string guitar of excellent quality since I first began playing guitar in high school!
As I slowly took three steps away from the guitar, heading for the cash register, I found there was a palpable force of attraction between me and the guitar that brought me racing quickly back to embrace it again. I then carried this beautiful instrument with me around the store, confidant that "This is the guitar for me!" because it just FELT right.
Synchronistically, just a few days earlier I'd completed writing a piece for the September 2000 issue of Planet Lightworker online magazine called, "Recognizing Gifts". I could see that I must have really written that article for myself, since I needed to learn and master the art of recognizing when a wish or prayer was coming true. Also synchronistically, just a couple of days after writing the article about recognizing gifts, and two days prior to seeing this guitar, I had consulted an Excellent Online Oracle for advice, and received the reply from the Odyssey of Life Oracle:
"A miracle is soon to occur in your presence.
Your challenge is to recognize it."
In so many ways in my life, I suddenly saw how I have danced around the razor's edge of self-doubt. I have cut myself down to size before anyone else could do it, consistently making sure that others needs are tended to first, with little thought for myself.
Just a week earlier, I had visited Disneyland with my daughters, and we were walking through the New Orleans Square section when two men began tossing Mardi Gras necklaces out to the crowd. I made sure that both my daughters received these pretty beads by catching the eye of the man throwing the necklaces and pointing down at my daughters standing in front of me. Both times I did this, the man quickly threw a necklace directly to my daughter, and I helped her catch it. I walked away from the crowd with my daughters, telling them how glad I was to have gotten them such pretty necklaces, even though I didn't get one for myself.
"Why not, Mom?"
My older daughter, looking genuinely concerned for me.
"Because I don't want to take the beads that someone else might really want."
Suddenly I heard what I had just said, and was flabbergasted. Did this mean that I have been passing by on countless opportunities because I didn't want to take something that another person might really enjoy? Does that mean I'm afraid that there is only a finite amount of what we all need in this world -- and if so, what does that say about my faith? These questions helped me crystallize an awareness of some hidden beliefs I'd been living with without ever recognizing.
Yesterday in the thrift shop, I almost did it again... I almost walked away from what my heart desired. This time, however, the sweet spirit of the guitar connected with me so tangibly that I could not bear to walk more than three feet away from it. I couldn't bear the idea of setting it down, and when I picked it up I felt such a warm rush of joy and love!
I realized with a jolt that this guitar had not been in the store when I first walked in. I knew this for a fact, because I'd been carefully examining a curious wooden cabinet adjacent to the guitar, and I know I would have seen a guitar sitting so close nearby!
This guitar brings me a great gift. It shows me how I can accept gifts I truly need without fear of preventing someone else from having something good. This fear is ridiculous, for it would mean that this universe is not truly abundant, and that we are not all cooperating together at a very deep unconscious spiritual level.
As I waited in line to buy my gorgeous new instrument, a woman behind me in line asked with genuine interest, "Did you get a good deal on the guitar?" I beamed back with my brightest smile, my eyes shining with radiant ecstacy as I replied, "Oh, yes!"